Posts filed under Anarchy

Advertising Or Prison?

Don't look at anyone in the eyes. Especially account reps or the traffic coordinator, they can smell fear and will feed upon your lack of knowledge in the process and folder structure on the file server.

Don't be a snitch. If someone yells at you in a concept meeting you need to take it to them one-on-one not on email. Email clicks grow fast and before you know it they'll have a list serve setup to talk about how much of a puss you are.

Do your own time. Everyone chose advertising for a reason. Don't talk about your dreams of being a Creative Director one day, no one cares. This talk will get you fired or worse you'll get a cube located across from the overweight Christian woman that has a parakeet name "Mr. Rojo" because he is red.

Don't make friends. Everyone that you talk to about the agency that you where at previously will hate you, and the Gold Pencil you got might be 'tea-bagged' before sun up, I'd advise not bringing it in for show and tell.

Don't ever be indebted to anyone. If someone offers you some extra time on a banner bar just refuse and tell them to cut down the frames. If someone tells you that they'll do a photo search for you, tell them you'll "work late" and take care if it yourself. If you become the guy that owe favors, get ready to be making trips with Sam Flax for presentation board because someone owns your ass now.

Don't ever get caught: stealing food, taking pens or becoming too close with a client. To be a client's bitch is to "be the client"; no one will trust you or tell you anything about the client's work because they think you'll rat them out. Later when the client drops you and you'll get laid off because of it.  There will be a guy adding your photo to a stack of Polaroids of people that were stupid, made it out alive, or simply could fill out the FedEx slips right.

Don't choose a clique without doing your research. If you get in a clique too with the developers in interactive, you'll have to learn first person shooters (like Call Of Duty) quickly so you can keep up with where you project sits during a headshot from "Mr. Giggles" or "HEXICON" to make sure your shit's not going to be late.

Stay in shape. Fatty's are just known to take to the freebies in the breakroom first. If you keep your head level and don't break down every time a vendor brings in Krispy Kremes and you can snake through the cigarette cloud that billows out from the Account Receivable picnic table, you might just start getting respect.

Don't get caught masturbating. This is just sound advice regardless of whether it's outlined in the employee manual or not.

Fight for your respect. You can count on someone "getting into" your concepts in the first few days. If some art director makes comments regarding your font usage or that you used a stock photo that he's seen a million times you have a choice to make. Become his bitch and be victimized or take matters into your own hands. Tell him that while papyrus is a lame 80's font that is only used in new age books and greek menus, if he had read the creative brief he would know it's in the brand standards manual and not to get into your grill again or he'll be looking for new space heater.

Know your escape routes. If you're in the break-room, position yourself close to the door that opens to the largest hallway. If your break-room only has one entrance or exit and one of the managing partners enters and gives you a look like, you better have a job bag in your hand or it will be your head...immediately open the fridge door and complain that you have been "throwing up at both ends" and that "everything in here smells like bad pork" then make a pukie face a walk out – fast.

Keep a clean record. Never take credit for any work that goes up. Claim it as a group effort that "a ton of great thinking going into it" and how proud you are to be a part of it. Then if it goes to shit in the pitch, you can say that you "live and die as a team" and go back to the drawing board with your dignity partially intact. If the second round fails, tell them that you haven't felt well since you ate some of Terry's birthday cake that was in the fridge that smelled like pork rinds.

Never trust anyone above the director level. If they have VP, Executive (even worse "Senior Executive" -- that's just an old guy that no one wants to make a partner but you can't fire because he knows where all the preverbal bodies are buried) or the dreaded "Partner" make no sudden movements or speak directly to them. This Demi-God class of employees are the tried and true battle warriors of the agency. They wield PowerPoint remotes with the precision of the Katana; given that they have to explain a line items in an RFP called "percentage based fee" can do so with the Devil's tongue leaving client so happy they wish they had their own cash to invest in the project.

Keep your mind and your spirit. Don't let anyone tell you that your work is less than clip art or tell you that you should have stayed an intern so you wouldn't take up a phone extension. Do your time, do great work and one day all your dreams will come true.  You'll soon get your own shop and swoop up the AOR for Nike and Coca-Cola in the same day.

Posted on December 24, 2010 and filed under Advertising, Anarchy, LOL, Soapbox.

Your Music & Waterboarding

What were you in high school, a band geek, a stoner, a jock, and metal-head-art-fag (here's me) or where you simply part of the fabric? Unseen, unheard and begging to get on with your life. I'm not going to go on elongated tirade about about how much I think music sucks these days, as I find myself hearing the band I grew up with on the "classic" stations but I'll say this – it's nice to get kicked in the stomach from time-to-time.

What does that mean? Well most of the new music these days 'takes some listening to.' What the hell does that even mean? "Well, you'll liked it after a I listen to the CD two or three times." Oh my god. Is this what we've become? Dan Zarrella calls them "sheeple" and I have to concur. When did we bow down and become fed from a tube? Why must we torture ourselves to conform in parties? Are we only listening to what we think is safe or has the most views on YouTube? Where's the angst? Where's the anti-establishment? Where's the shakeup? Where's the band that kicks you in the teeth the moment you hear it and you say "hell yeah!"

I give you:
The Bronx – "Inveigh"

Yes, I know the song's three years old, and that I'm old, get over it. Send me some new music! Send me some new links. Show me the music that made you wake up. Keep me young and angry and thinking! I don't want to be in the box. Give me your band to promote and I promise I will spike your traffic by four or five people. Talk to your hosting service to insure that I will not bring down their infrastructure with this wave. Best ~


My friend Sean "8-bit" Smith just brought some points in the comments below that make me think. I guess it's never been about anger in the sense of hatred or malice, though that music exists too, as a father and humanist I don't agree with that sensibility. It is about "change" pure and simple.

Posted on December 10, 2010 and filed under Anarchy, Music, Soapbox.

When Old School & New School Collide

The video was created by Patrick Jean from the Paris-based special effect studio One More Production, and is simply nothing short of fantastic. It depicts the destruction of the earth by "pixel" and while we all know the earth will be destroyed by zombies and robots it is fascinating to see someone elses interpretation. Enjoy!

Uploaded by onemoreprod. - Arts and animation videos.

Posted on April 8, 2010 and filed under Anarchy, Film, Gaming.

If You Don't Know Them You Should: Emily Flake

Emily Flake

Position Title:

Head Fuckup, Lulu Eightball HQ.

Let me start by saying that “I love you.” Now that we have awkward moment covered let’s move on.
Thanks. Will your love lead to flowers? If so I prefer the sort of meaty kind, like lilies.

Your work has made me pee myself. How does that make you feel?
They’re not my pants.

I too went to art school with a major in illustration. Look at me NOW! How, pray tell did you make it illustrating?
How much do you know about Santeria? How okay would you be knowing the things I did to that goat?

Did you go to art school? If so tell me about that?
I did. I went to the Maryland Institute, College of Art. I hear that they have since dropped that comma, which chaps my ass a little. It was a good school. I love Baltimore with all my heart.

What mediums do you use most frequently in your work?
Acrylic ink and good, smooth, heavy paper – preferably Arches 140# hot press or Borden and Riley Bristol Plate. For my illustration work, same stuff plus coffee, other ink, sometimes watercolor, sometimes I experiment with paper.

Where does this dark, self-deprecating sense of humor come from?
Ask my fucking family.

When was Lulu Eightball born?

June, 2002. I think it was 2002. Pretty sure. I think I’d just turned 25 so that sounds right. And I think it was after 9/11 but that makes one gag I tried to run make even less sense.

How much of Lulu is You-You?
About 80%-80%. She’s a lot smarter than I am.

What comics (past or present) make you pee?
Zach Kanin is fucking boss. Jeffrey Brown, when he’s funny, is really funny. And you know what? James Thurber really was a fucking genius. And Tim Kreider, who sadly has retired.

What artists, illustrators and people inspire you?
Oh, God, too many. Charley Harper and Fernanda Cohen are two people I’d give my right, uh, ventricle to draw like.

So you ‘keep in real’ in the city yes? What’s your favorite thing about living there?
Not so real as all that. I live in Park Slope, Brooklyn, which is more or less Sesame Street. There, I’m the bad element. My favorite thing about my neighborhood is Jackie’s 5th Amendment, which is a bar. Surprise surprise.

What would you change society right now?
FUCKING HEALTH CARE, PLEASE. Also these tea-bag patriot town hall whosiwhatsits are making me want to pull my own brain out of my ears.

Zombies, the gateway to the apocalypse or silly fodder for entry-level directors?
As a concept, the latter. But if they appear for real, the former, definitely.

Serif or Sans Serif? Sorry, I’m a terrible font whore, it’s a curse.
Depends completely on the project. I can serve two masters. Futura is my go-to love, but I also heart Stefan Sagmeister, so there you go.

What’s the future of the comic strip? It seems that they keep getting smaller and the coupon wrap around are getting bigger. I have too weed through half a fucking tree just to read Snoopy for Christ sake! Sorry, you were saying?
Can’t hear you through the tears. It’s a fucking funeral out there.

How has technology affected what you do?

Can’t hear you, too busy making out with my beloved, beloved iMac.

To all the creatives in the world – how do you generate ideas when the well is low?
Seriously, I sit and stare and feel nothing but shame and despair for hours on end.  I guess that counts more as the putting off of the pain of really looking or trying and coming up with nothing – but it is painful and awful all the same. But I also read, I take walks, I try to move around, I look at things that give me the same feeling I want to evoke. Then I cry some more.

What are you most proud of in your career?
That it exists at all, knock wood knock wood.

If you weren’t here, you'd be doing?
Ideally I’d be working for the MTA as a train operator or for myself as a plumber. But more realistically I’d be bouncing around the ever dwindling world of office jobs, doing something that ostensibly involved “sales.”

Create a new superpower for yourself.
The ability to prowl around in subway tunnels without being harmed in the least or arrested, I guess that would involve seeing in the dark, too. Also, knowing at all times what people really think of me. I don’t need to know their other thoughts, fuck ‘em. What did you say?

Bio and Social Media Links you wish people to connect to at:
Website Address:

Blog Address: I don’t so much – there’s a “news” section on the site though.

Twitter/Tumblr: guuuuuuuh no.

Facebook: yes, I don’t have a FB URL but search Emily Flake, I’m the one that’s, uh, me.

Linkedin Account: You know what? I cannot for the life of me access that account. It keeps saying it’s sending me a new password and then not. Apparently people wish to connect with me, and I am unable to make this happen.

Email Information

Thank you for your time and consideration.
No no, sir, thank you.


She's not going to pimp her books, but I damn sure will!

Posted on September 25, 2009 and filed under Anarchy, Design, Interview, LOL, Soapbox.