Kmart: The Fire Sale

I don't make it a practice to shop at Kmart as the brand has depleted itself, in my mind as something of a joke, an insult to the products and mental stigma of purchase. It's not that it's due to pricing. I shop at WalMart and other "Super Centers" in order to get a good deal and 10 gallons of peanut butter with a pressurized pump keg. But it's come to my attention after visiting the Kmart at the 3800 Oakwood Blvd Hollywood, FL 33020 location that this store and its brand would service us all well to close up and become a paint ball refuge or something of the likes.

It went something like this:

  1. Upon entry, I noticed the eye-watering stench of military grade disinfectant. That doesn't bother you so much until it loses its ground on the stench of sewer vapor escaping from – somewhere.
  2. I knew what I want and I chose to ask a "customer service representative" where I might be find some black shoe shine. His response is to sigh and say "well that would probably be with shoes wouldn't you think?" I thank him in a way that tells him he exceeded his douchbage quota with me and I was off.
  3. I chose the shoe shine kit that had 1 brush, 1 can black, 1 can brown, 1 sponge applicator and 1 polish cloth. Later, I open to find that it too had been as ransacked as my patience and half of the contents were stolen.
  4. Upon approaching the payment desk, I was greeted by an array of gold teeth and origami hairdo that appeared to be a battered jaguar running for it's life and ten very long fingernails that grabbed my item like Edward Scissor Hands.
  5. Moments before swiping my card, a survey popped up on my credit card swipey' boxy thing and it said something to the effect of "Would you tell/recommend your friends to shop at Kmart?" and before I could read the rating criteria, Edward Scissor Hands clicked the middle button stating, "that stupid thing is pain in my ass!"

    (Side note): I would hate to have been the metrics company that's pulling this data as it's clearly being manipulated BY THE STAFF as production bottleneck.

  6. Then, as I approached the exit, I was greeted by a woman that checked my receipt as if government secrets I was toting needed to be accounted for. Before exiting, however, she tried to upsell me on beverages that were swimming in a pool of murky ice water in a cooler next to her. A xeroxed sign stated the drinks were one dollar (presumably cash, as I saw no other way to make a purchase).
  7. One lastly image was upon the final walk to my car -- I was hit in the face with a police spotlight from the side of an adjacent cruiser! I did, however, have a Snake Plissken moment that carried with me until I jumped in my car and locked the door like a puss.

Kmart -- I'm sorry, but you do yourself no favors anymore. Customer service, even in a limited capacity in a nessessity. You simply live up to the joke that you've created for your brand and it's time you called it quits.

Posted on March 15, 2011 and filed under Brand, Business, Soapbox.